Abigail's Birth

*WARNING* This is a long post 

4:30 am on July 19th I woke up and was wide awake and having mild contractions. After lying in bed awake for awhile I decided to get up and read, hoping to take my mind of the fact that “this might be it.” I read and comprehended maybe 50% of what I read. My mind was still distracted as I was deeply tuned into my body. Danny got up at 6:00 with plans to go to the temple. I told him he probably should hold off because things were happening. 

Danny helped me relax as I tried to get some sleep after being up so early. I was able to sleep for an hour or so before Gavin woke up. Danny decided to go in to work as things hadn’t picked up in the last two hours. Of course as soon as Danny was gone and it was just Gavin and I, I became much more uncomfortable and felt like I had to lie down. I text Danny and asked him to come home to help with Gavin so that I could try and rest. 

The morning bled into the afternoon and contractions had been consistent but hadn't intensified. and they varied in their duration and the time from one to another. I started to feel dumb because I had Danny come home, I had let our babysitter know I might have a baby that day, I had even cancelled an appointment and here I was just having mild contractions all day long. I was very confused. 

I thankfully was able to nap while Gavin napped. I was exhausted from being up so early and the rest felt good. I woke feeling much better. By this time it was about 4:00 pm and I wanted to see what the midwives had to say about what was happening. I called the office and filled them in. Jenda (the midwife on call, which I was very happy about) called me back and said that since I was dilated to a 4 at my last check up that I probably should just come in and get checked to see what was going on. 

I left Danny at home assuming I would simply get checked only to be sent home again. Upon arriving at the doctor’s office Jenda checked my cervix and I was dilated to a 6 and 100% effaced. I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t been in pain at all and here I was already a 6! Score! They did a Non Stress Test and saw that I was having contractions every 5 minutes and at a pretty good intensity. 

Jenda came in and said that she wanted me to head over to the hospital. I was surprised by this but she said that if I continued to quietly dilate and then have my water break I might not make it to the hospital in time. She said she was being very generous in allowing me to go home and get Danny and come straight back. I was thankful for this because I really wanted to be there when we dropped Gavin off. I was concerned about my first baby just as much as I was about the one in my belly. 

We dropped Gavin off. I cried. Then I recovered and got focused. I was going to have a baby. We got something to eat on the way. I wasn't going to have this baby on an empty stomach. 

We arrived at the hospital at 6:30 p.m. My first little victory of the night was requesting to stay in my own clothes and by pass the hospital gown. I felt so much more comfortable and in control. Odd how something so small could feel so empowering. We got all checked in and then we hit the halls to see if we could get labor to progress a little quicker. 

After an hour of walking at 7:30 pm Jenda checked me again and I was a 7! Talk about excitement, shock and disbelief. Jenda said that if we broke my water we would probably have a baby in 30 minutes. I couldn’t believe it! My second small victory for the evening was not immediately consenting and asking Jenda questions about breaking my water. I decided that I wanted to continue to walk and see if I could get to an 8 in the same fashion I had gotten to a 7. Why wouldn’t I want to dilate that far without even really being uncomfortable? Jenda was fine with that and we began walking the halls some more. This time we walked for 45 minutes and came back to be checked at 8:15 pm. At this point I was dilated to an 8. I seriously couldn’t believe it. 

Jenda explained that at some point my water would have to break. I could walk another 2 hours or more and wait for it to happen spontaneously or we could encourage the process by having her break my water. After confirming that our baby girl was safe from any harm that breaking my water might bring, I consented and I felt good about it. It was scary though because I knew things were about to get hard and I wasn't quite sure I was ready for it. 

Once my water was broken, Jenda told me that she had been mistaken and that I was still only a 7. Baby girl’s head was so low it had been difficult for her to tell. That bothered me a little at first but in the grand scheme of things it really was a minor thing. Jenda also informed me that baby girl was posterior meaning she was “sunny side up” as they say or facing towards my belly button. The ideal position for birth is to have baby facing the mother’s spine so our goal was to try and get baby girl to turn. 

 I began rocking my hips back and forth while on my hands and knees in attempt to try and get baby girl to turn. I did this for a good 20-30 minutes and boy was I tired. My back ached and I was ready to get into the tub. Easing my tired body into the warm water was heaven. I loved it! 

Contractions became more intense while I was in the tub and I began having to breathe through each one. At first I was just breathing hard and Danny suggested I moan and let it out. At his suggestion I began to moan and it felt so much better! It really helped me to release tension rather than hold on to it. My contractions were not coming very close together so Jenda wanted me to get out of the tub to see if we could get things moving by doing something else. 

I joined the ranks of those in a hospital gown at this point and began walking the halls some more. Brisk walking. Jenda was not messing around and I was struggling to keep up with her and Danny. As each contraction came I was told to squat very low to encourage baby girl to descend and help me further dilate. 

I'm not sure how long we were in the halls for but once we returned to the delivery room I again got into the hands and knees position and worked through some more contractions. This is when I entered transition. That first contraction in transition was intense. I was a little taken back and frankly a little scared. I hadn’t ever experienced anything like that before. This is when my moaning became a bunch of broken moans as I dilated the final 2 cm. At this point I definitely thought 'I'm not sure I can do this' but I pressed on, not that I had a choice, this baby was coming. Jenda checked me after 5 or so contractions and I was fully dilated. Time to push. 

I decided that I would like to try the side lying position for pushing. I worked through a couple more contractions and it really wasn’t all that comfortable but the thought of getting into some other position felt really daunting and I wasn’t all that motivated to try and move at this point, so stayed right where I was. 

Pushing was hard and painful.The stinging and the burning that I felt was intense. I clung to Danny’s whole arm in desperation through each contraction. I began to sweat profusely. My body was working so hard. Between contractions I began to chant 'OK' repeatedly this helped me to relax and in a way get prepared for the next wave of pushing. 

I wondered if the pushing would ever end.I was pushing much more on command then I was with my body. In the midst of a push Jenda yelled “whoa, whoa!” I immediately pulled back and started to pant but apparently it was too late, I had torn. I was disappointed. I wanted so badly not tear but I knew I just had to finish. At this point I thought to myself I just have to push (pun intended) through this. The only way out is to push until that baby arrived. 

One last push and baby girls head was out and it was the most blessed feeling. Instant relief rushed over my body. I sunk back into the bed and let out a huge sigh of relief and moments later my little girl was on my chest. It was amazing! I was so happy to finally meet my precious little girl and to have her here safe and healthy. She didn’t cry much at all. When she did cry we got her moved close to my body, skin to skin and she calmed right down. It was a miracle and an amazingly beautiful moment. 

After getting checked over my sweet baby girl was then returned to my arms and I began to try and breastfeed. I was so grateful to have our little girl in my arms safe and sound. At one point I looked up at Danny and I said “I did it!” For nine months I had been hoping that at the end of it all I could say those words and it felt so good to be able to do so.